Limbs

While some people maintain that BBrandner is God, and son of the Virgin Mary herself, the truth is otherwise. Dan BBrandner was born 24 years ago, in a futuristic base camp outside of Hibernia, right next to the IHOP on 42nd Street. BBrandner's father, is a prominent freedom fighter and claims to have been abducted and inseminated by aliens on numerous occasions. Despite a handful of restraining orders and an unfortunate presence on his local registered sex offender list, BBrandner's father still joins us at most of the Chicago Beer Die sleepovers. Dan, born Daniel BBrandner McBrandnerson, was not immediately a success. Growing up in a predominantly Jewish suburb of Chicago, Dan spent most of his younger years hiding from Jew-Covenants and fantasizing about his hot neighbor, Kelly. Dan did not get along with other kids. While classmates played at recess, Dan entertained himself by practicing crouch jumping and evading enemy motion detectors. After a short stint at a psychiatric ward, his parents all but gave up on him... It wasn't until Dan's father walked in on him sodomizing a hobo that he knew his child was "different." Rather than confine BBBrandner to dumpsters and freight trains his whole life, Dan's father nurtured his abilities, and vowed to one day make Dan the Masterest Chief of all Beer Die. Today, Dan devotes 95% of his time to Beer Die. The remaining time he splits evenly between sleep and hobo sodomy. He was first made famous for his unprecedented two game winning streak against Drew. Members of Chicago Beer Die lucky enough to meet Dan all agree: "If there's a God, Dan probably created him" Today, Dan is officially recognized as a Saint in thirteen different religions and is hailed in the Middle East as "BBBrandner the Jew-Crusher." His entire diet consists of pancakes, donated by followers.